Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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