Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
