i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
