so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
