My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
