Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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