The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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