just come out here and I will go home with you...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
