How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
