Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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