Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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