I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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