Rock
Scissors
Fuck
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
