ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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