Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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