I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
