Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
