I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
