i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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