i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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