I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
