I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
