What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
