OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
