Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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