Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
