i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
