Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
