I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
