I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
