Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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