awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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