I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
