Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
