I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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