If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
