If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
