he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Damn victory sex feels great
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
