you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He kissed a someone with a penis
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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