And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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