I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
