Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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