Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
