my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
