real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
