Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
