there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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