she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
