I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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