Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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