Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
