My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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