actually, I'm a sock model
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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