a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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