somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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