Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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