Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
