I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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