Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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