is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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