i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
