apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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