you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize