Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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